My two Sams

I have two special Sams in my life. The first one was one who loved me before I was born. He was my wonderful and loving grandpa. He was a great man of love who was a huge support to me. My other is my son, a boy I loved before I even knew about him.

We knew our son's name would be Samuel David before we knew what we were having. After we discovered his HLHS, I knew his name was fitting. My grandpa had always been told his heart was bad but while at hospice, we were told he had a strong heart which kept him fighting to stay with us longer then his doctors thought he would. I knew that my sons heart might not be perfect but I knew he would get the same strong heart from his great-grandfather.

Since being in labor, I have seen the influence of my grandpa on my son. My cousin who helped deliver Sam said that when the delivery took longer then the doctor expected that my grandpa was up in heaven telling Sam to stay in because it would be funny. I think it was just Sam being stubborn like his great grandpa.

I also received something yesterday that I believe was a gift from both my Sams. The same pastor who prayed with my family and my grandpa at hospice came to pray with my son and our family yesterday. As this pastor prayed with my grandpa, it was the last time I really remember my grandpa seeming receptive. Yesterday, my son was the most alert that I had seemed him when the pastor visited.

Today, as I read dairy of a wimpy kid to Sam, it talked about the funny paper which made me think of my grandpa's favorite expression of "I'll see you in the funny papers."

Tonight, as I am far away from home and not able to sleep. I think that Sam is not going to be a homebody like his mom but I also think my grandpa is up in heaven laughing since his great grandson is getting me back for when I was ready to go home and sleep in my own bed even though I was at my grandparents house.

I know through this journey, I am going to see my grandpa's stubbornish, determination, and fight as well as his love in Sam but I am sure I will find many other ways many ways my two Sams are alike. I do know my grandpa is up in heaven cheering Sam on and smiling at how proud he is of his great grandson.

Grandpa, Sam and I will see you in the funny papers!